When I married Rick almost eleven years ago he came with a “bonus with gift” of lovely parents-in-law and three equally lovely teen-aged children. I became a new wife, a new daughter and a new mom all in one afternoon.
On Monday my father-in-law, G.S. Marshall, passed away. He had been suffering for a while so in some ways it was a blessing- in so many others it leaves a hole in our lives aching to be filled. Above is a picture of him in 1946 shortly before leaving to serve in the US Army in Germany.
Stan (my father-in-law, also affectionately called by me in the way he signed his cards to me-as Daddi-O) was only mine for these few short years. Being his daughter-in-law brought me all the distilled sweet mellowness of his older years. He didn’t have the responsibility to raise me, to teach me right from wrong, to support me or discipline me. I just got the good stuff-what was left over after a lifetime of hard work and experience. He had a brilliant mind and a strong will. He played chess with all the strategy of a Napoleonic General- taking no prisoners. Rick beat him at chess only once and held on to that victory with a proud sort of glee I’ve never witnessed in him at any other time.
Stan was an Engineer/Project Manager at GTE Government Systems and General Manager at CALNET Telephone for many years and actually retired from them twice as they asked him to come back to work after the first retirement. He also served on the planning commission in his Bay Area community for many years. Some of my favorite things about him were his witty jokes, his huge bear hugs (he was 6’4″), his love of words, his loving generosity towards me and the fact that he fathered my husband- the biggest gift of all. Stan was a connoisseur of fine wines and after the news, we drank a glass of good Cabernet to his memory. I suggested to Rick that it might be nice to dedicate the Chilean Cabernet he is currently making to the memory of his father as well.
Over the last few years, Alzheimer’s disease robbed us of Stan’s presence bit by bit- the amazing instrument that was his mind fell out of tune and he wasn’t able to hold onto mental clarity the way he wished. We’ve had to mourn in pieces along the way as he slipped farther away from us. May there soon be an end to the cruel losses that Alzheimer’s creates-may we find a cure. If you want to learn more about Alzheimer’s or donate what you can to research in this area so we can put an end to this waste please check out the Alzheimer’s Association.
We will miss our Daddi-O -though the sorrowful space he’s left in our hearts we hope will soon be filled everlastingly with sweet memories of him. We’re sad for ourselves but happy that he is released from all of the pain and confusion that he was experiencing. I am forever grateful for the chance to have known him.
Excerpt From
“Prologue of the Earthly Paradise “
William Morris (1834-1896)
OF Heaven or Hell I have no power to sing,
I cannot ease the burden of your fears,
Or make quick-coming death a little thing,
Or bring again the pleasure of past years,
Nor for my words shall ye forget your tears,
Or hope again for aught that I can say,
The idle singer of an empty day.
But rather, when a weary of your mirth,
From full hearts still unsatisfied ye sigh,
And, feeling kindly unto all the earth,
Grudge every minute as it passes by,
Made the more mindful that the sweet days die
Remember me a little then I pray,
The idle singer of an empty day.